So I did what I said I was going to do! I actually went and wrote an L x Light fan fiction story! I am so proud of myself. ^___^ Took me quite a few days to write it all. I didn't go as far into the story as I'd originally intended, but I'm tired now and I feel like I ended it in the right spot anyway. Whoever is reading this, I hope you like the pictures I've included in the story. ^,~
I dedicate this story to my boyfriend, Jerome, in honor of our first anniversary coming up this weekend. He's the one I started watching Death Note with and encouraged me to write this fan fiction when I came up with the idea in the first place.
This is for you, my love. <3
It was quiet that evening, walking through the empty halls of the headquarters for the Kira case. I didn't know where my father, Matsuda or any of the other officers in the investigation were, but that didn't matter. I enjoy walking by myself.
I was particularly enjoying it, because it had been so long since I'd even had the ability to be alone with my thoughts for one minute.
Ever since picking up the Death Note, Ryuk, the Shinigami who had dropped it in the human world, had followed my every step, watching my every move. He wasn't that bad, really, but feeling yourself being watched all the time could become a bit of a nuisance. Then later, after I gave up the notebook and all my memories of it, and Misa and I were eventually set free from our confinement, that damn jerk Ryuzaki (he'd told me that he was L, but told everyone to call him by that name) had insisted on having me and him chained together with handcuffs, since he still suspected me of being Kira and wanted to keep an eye on me.
He may have been a lot less ugly than Ryuk, but it was still much more annoying to be physically tethered to this guy all the time. He was always there! When I was working, when I had supervised dates with Misa, even when I had to use the freaking bathroom! Thankfully the chain was long enough that he could be on the other side of the door while I did my business, but come on! He couldn't take the cuffs off me for just a few minutes? At least Ryuk was respectful enough to give me my space.
Going to bed at night while chained to him was the worst. I could hardly get any sleep, knowing that bastard was probably perched on his own bed like a giant owl, watching me the entire night to make sure I didn't do anything suspicious. I was lucky not to get dark bags under my eyes like L had, his own eyes gray, sunken and nearly dead inside.
But thankfully, that's no longer the case. We caught the new Kira, Higuchi of the Yotsuba Group. L trusts me now, so I'm completely free of those cursed handcuffs. Most importantly, I have a Death Note again. Oh, how I'd missed all that power!
Everything went exactly as I had planned it.
I've practically won.
The best part is that I'm totally alone to enjoy this victory. No Ryuk hovering over me, at least for now. He must be watching over Misa at this moment, since she now has possession of the Death Note that belonged to him. And no L...
Actually, for some reason I can't help but wonder...
Where is L?
Something told my feet to take me to the very top of the building, where I realized it was raining incredibly hard. I walked out onto the roof, where the sound of water falling was almost deafening compared to the quiet inside.
Just then, I thought I saw a gray slouched figure in the distance, standing alone in the storm near a giant satellite. The thick shroud of rain made it difficult for me to see, but I could still tell who it was even from a distance. It was unmistakably L, with his baggy blue pants and the white long-sleeved shirt he always wore. I wondered how long he'd been standing out there. He looked entirely soaked, his long jet black hair nearly covering his face. He seemed to be staring out at something far away.
As if he sensed that someone else was present, he turned his head towards me and we made eye contact.
We stared at each other for maybe a minute, but he didn't make any move to get out of the rain.
What could he possibly be playing at, doing something like this? What was his game? Sometimes I felt like I could never understand this guy.
"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?" I asked him.
L didn't answer me, instead putting his hand to his ear as if to say "come again?".
Well, who could hear anything over this storm? Still, slightly annoyed, I repeated myself. "What are you doing standing out there by yourself?"
He kept his hand on his ear and leaned in more, signaling that he still hadn't heard me over the noise of the pounding rainfall. I thought I could see the hint of a mischievous grin on his face.
I growled under my breath. This guy was just impossible. What, did he seriously want me to go out into the rain with him? Was that it? L had always annoyed me to a certain degree, but this pissed me off!
I knew I could very well have just walked away and not been bothered with any of this. That would have been the smart thing to do. But I had to know what L was doing out there.
Taking a deep breath, I dove into the storm. The wind was really fierce, icy raindrops pelting on me and all around me. I was instantly drenched, and already I began to regret my decision.
Even so, I walked slowly and calmly, trying to appear as if the rain didn't bother me, just like L was doing.
It was always a contest with him and me, ever since we'd first become aware of each other. Who was the more clever one? Who could stay a few steps ahead without the other one ever realizing it? Who was going to catch whom first?
As Kira, the true Kira, I was determined to win.
As soon as I get the chance, I'm gonna kill L.
~~~~~
"What are you doing Ryuzaki?" Light asked when he reached the satellite.
Interesting. He still used the name I told him and the others to call me by and not L, even when we're in private company.
I avoided his gaze, staring at the ground. "Oh, I'm not doing anything in particular. It's just..." I paused, thinking... no, knowing I'd heard something. I looked up at the sky, where the sound seemed to be coming from. "I hear the bell."
"The bell?" asked Light, confused.
"Yes. The sound of bells has been unusually loud today."
"Hmm. I don't hear anything."
"Really. You can't hear it? It's been ringing nonstop all day. I find it very distracting."
It was true. I'd heard the terrible ringing in my ears ever since I'd gotten up that morning. It gave me a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach... Or maybe that was the sweets finally getting to me?
No, I knew I'd felt this feeling somewhere before. But where?
"I wonder if it's a church. Maybe a wedding, or perhaps a..."
My mind was suddenly awash with memories I'd tried my hardest to repress. I remembered hearing bells the day my parents had died. It was when I was at school, right before the accident. I'd been hearing a ringing in my head all day, but no one believed me. Not the other students, not the teacher, not anyone.
The call later came to the school from Watari, an old friend of the family. He pulled me out of class for the day (in fact, he was eventually able to pull me out of that school entirely after pulling some strings) and took me aside, explaining to me what had happened.
It was a strange feeling. I was sad, but I wasn't surprised. Something in me had already known, after all.
I didn't shed any tears that day. It would have been natural for me to cry at a time like that, completely understandable, but I've never been the crying type. I wasn't trying to keep from crying though. I just literally couldn't.
All I remembered next was standing outside the fence of my parents' graves in the snow, holding Watari's hand. He'd turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you now. Any time you need me, whatever you require of me, I'll be here for you." I'd gripped his gloved hand tighter when he said that.
For the longest time, Watari had been my only friend in the world. But now...
"What are you getting at, Ryuzaki?" asked Light, interrupting my train of thought. Without even waiting for an answer, he said "Come on, cut it out, let's go back inside."
I turned and looked at Light Yagami. He looked impatient with me. Well, after all, we were standing in a storm that didn't feel like it would let up anytime soon. He wouldn't be standing out here if it weren't for me.
On the other hand, I feel like I need to take advantage of the fact that Light is still here and that we're completely alone. I need to figure something out, before he leaves...
Or perhaps, before I leave...
"I'm sorry," I finally replied to him. "Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it."
~~~~~
I frowned in puzzlement, looking at L. What was going on in that weird, allegedly brilliant mind of his? Had he really been trying to tell me something important and blowing it off now, or was he just talking crazy? Was he trying to confuse me on purpose?
We shared a few moments of relative silence as the rain pounded all around.
Finally I realized I was thinking much too hard about this. Maybe we were done with playing games. I scoffed and gave him a small wistful smile.
"You know, you're totally right. Honestly, most of the things you say sounds like complete nonsense. There'd be no end to my troubles if I actually took you seriously all the time. I probably know that better than anyone."
"Yes. I would say that's a fair assessment. But... I could say the same about you."
That one took me by surprise. Immediately I got defensive. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Tell me Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you actually told the truth?"
It seemed like the sound of the raging storm had suddenly disappeared, like ear plugs had been abruptly inserted in my ears, and all was absolute silence in my mind. L was giving me this darkly serious look, staring at me like he'd never done before.
Damn it! How could he still be suspicious of me? Did he still think I was Kira?
Or could this be about something else entirely?
Something tickled at the very back of my mind. Maybe there was a tiny, long forgotten secret I was keeping, even from myself...
I squelched the thought as soon as it popped up. Now was not the time. I had to give him an extremely careful answer.
"Where's this coming from, Ryuzaki?"
I have to play innocent. But not too innocent...
"I do admit, I stretch the truth here and there. However, find me one person in this world who's never had to tell a lie, and it wouldn't be easy. Human beings just aren't made to be perfect like that. Everybody lies from time to time... Even so, I've always made a conscious effort to be careful not to tell a lie if it could hurt others.
"That's my answer," I finished, hoping it sounded genuine enough.
L listened to my speech all the way through, staring at me unblinkingly the entire time. At first, he didn't seem like he believed I was telling the truth, but then he turned his head slowly, appearing to accept my response as being honest. "I had a feeling you'd say something like that".
Something was strange about his expression. Was that... disappointment in his eyes? Had I said the wrong thing to him?
More deafening silence.
"Let's go back inside." L finally suggested. "We're both drenched."
Well, finally you have a sensible idea, I thought. "Yeah," I said in agreement.
~~~~~
The two of us came out of the rain and took off our shoes and socks, which were soaked all the way through. Our clothes clung to our bodies, and the air conditioning made it feel even more freezing than it was outside. We found some small towels in the bathroom to dry ourselves off.
Light left the bathroom ahead of me without saying a word. I stayed behind to wring out my shirt and stare at myself in the mirror.
Well, that certainly could have gone a lot better, I thought to myself as I squeezed the twisted fabric and let rain water pour out into the sink.
Before Light had answered my question, I had noticed something in his eyes. Something close to a flicker of panic. Something that told me all I needed to know.
I knew L was lying. Not just to me, but to himself.
Ever since I'd first laid eyes on Light Yagami, I was drawn to him. Of course, he was my main suspect of being Kira and my first exposure to him was through the surveillance cameras bugged throughout Chief Yagami's house. But even with all my suspicions, I was attracted to his handsome looks, his high intelligence, his calm and impenetrable manner. I'd yearned to know how exactly this genius highschool student was able to remotely kill criminals so effortlessly, but besides that, I just wanted to meet Light. Get to know him better.
I finally got my chance to meet him in person on his first day of college. Though I'm sure he did his best not to show it, right away I knew he was scared of me. Well, that was probably because I revealed who I was to him and my suspicions of him being Kira. He always tried to keep his distance from me after that.
I like to believe we warmed up to each other somewhat, playing a friendly game of tennis and going out for dinner together. Regrettably, our time together was fraught with constant tension, each of us trying to stay one step ahead of the other. We were both the hunter and the hunted. We could have been good friends, with all the things we had in common with each other, but the fact remained that I was L, Light was (highly possibly) Kira, and one of us was eventually going to catch the other first. I couldn't allow myself to get too attached to him.
Miss Misa Amane threw a big wrench into the works. Not only when she came out as (possibly) being a second, more powerful Kira, but when I learned she was Light's girlfriend. I was disheartened for a time, until I met Misa myself and saw how she and Light interacted with each other. She was obviously head over heels in love with him, but he didn't seem to return any of her affections. He actually seemed quite alarmed when she had appeared out of the blue while Light and I were taking a stroll together. One might even say, embarrassed? I concluded that he was just using her and keeping her for appearances only.
Poor girl. She could do much better. Actually, a part of me was attracted to her as well as Light, but we couldn't be more different. I couldn't possibly keep up with someone with her energy and personality. (I wondered who possibly could.)
I remembered when I had gotten both Misa Amane and Light captive. In Light's case, his captivity was entirely voluntary. (He brought about the possibility that he might have been controlled by Kira to kill all those people.) I watched the two Kiras day and night through the cameras in their cells. Light's father, the chief of the Japanese Police, demanded to be locked up as well, in solidarity with his son.
Several days into their confinement, something changed. The killings started happening again, and Light started making a ruckus, claiming that he absolutely was not Kira, that his imprisonment was a big mistake. Something in the desperate urge in his voice forced me to believe he was telling the truth.
I didn't want to believe that all my hard work in hunting Kira had been a giant waste. Maybe keeping the two of them locked up for 50 days was a bit excessive, but I had to make sure. The other officers weren't happy with me about my decision, least of all the chief.
I couldn't properly explain to myself why or how, but ever since that moment, Light seemed to have transformed into quite a different person. He was still wary and careful around me, but he seemed more genuine, more honest, more... good. He was thoughtful and selfless, and even became more patient and caring about Misa. He also made it his mission to help me catch the real Kira, which pleased me a lot. I could use a bright mind like his on the team.
Of course, I couldn't shake my suspicions of him still potentially being Kira, so I had us handcuffed together. A somewhat extreme measure, perhaps, but it was the only way I could be sure he wasn't up to anything.
Mainly though, the cuffs were there for my own selfish reasons. It allowed me to always be with him, to get closer with him. It allowed us to bond like never before, hunting down Kira literally side by side. We may have had our fights (a couple of times, things got physical), but there could be no denying that we worked brilliantly together.
Done drying my clothes out to the best of my ability, I slid my shirt back over my head, the fabric now only slightly damp.
I won't go so far as to say those were the happiest days of my life. I try not to let my emotions run away from me. Still, I got an unreasonable amount of enjoyment out of that time in which we did everything together. Working, planning, eating. (Well, I suppose I did most of the eating. I always offered my little cakes and chocolates to the others, but they never accepted). I particularly liked watching Light sleep. He seemed at his most innocent and peaceful. A face like that couldn't possibly do any wrong or kill people... Could he?
I rested my hands on the sink and sighed, making a small patch of fog appear on the bathroom mirror, and closed my eyes, full of pain and regret. Ever since we'd caught the new Kira, Kyosuke Higuchi, and discovered that the weapon he used to kill criminals was a little black book called the Death Note, a tool belonging to the Shinigami (death gods), Light had changed again. I felt it deeply, and it worried me.
Maybe it had been a mistake to let him see the notebook. It did something to him. Something bad. The Light I had gotten to know over the past few weeks was, in all likelihood, gone.
My eyes snapped open, and I gave my reflection a hard look.
No. It's not over until it's over.
I left the bathroom with a towel on my hair. I felt the power of the air conditioning again. I hadn't realized just how warm the bathroom had been until I left it.
I found Light sitting on the stairs. He was still in the process of drying himself, rubbing a towel on his neck.
"Well, that certainly was an unpleasant outing," I said, approaching him. I was referring more to my exit of the bathroom than to our somewhat foolish time standing in the rain, though he didn't know that.
"It's your own fault. I mean, what did you expect?" Light's eyes were closed as he ran the towel through his bright orange hair.
I gazed at his broad shoulders, the contours of his back and arm muscles just visible through his damp shirt. From the side, I could see the top 2 buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing a smooth neck and a toned, bare chest.
"You're right. Sorry," I said in a quiet, distracted voice.
I looked at him in an almost hungry way.
Perhaps Light was Kira, and had always been Kira from the beginning. Or perhaps the power of Kira would transfer to another person, since Higuchi was no longer alive. In any case, I knew Kira had it in for me, so I didn't know how long I had to live.
Might as well enjoy the time I still have.
"Hmm," I said, getting an idea. I took the towel off my head and walked even closer to Light.
~~~~~
I finished drying my hair enough that the tiny drops of water stopped dripping and rolling down my neck. I hated that feeling.
I sensed movement on the stairs below me, so I opened my eyes.
Right as I did so, L grabbed hold of my right foot.
I gasped in shock, nearly freaking out inside. I wasn't used to my feet being touched like that. "W-what are you doing?!"
How the hell had he gotten there without me hearing him? What was he, some kind of ninja?
"I thought I might help you out," replied L, calm as you please. "You were busy wiping yourself off anyway."
Help me out? We were L and Kira, sworn enemies! Why would he want to help me out?
"Look, it's fine. You don't have to do that."
"I can give you a massage as well." What?! "It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm actually pretty good at this."
Was this guy being serious right now? Atone for his sins? What on earth was L going to gain from giving me a foot massage? I was going to flat out refuse, insist that I could wipe my own feet, thank you.
I looked at his eyes, though. They weren't dark and serious, like they usually were, but wide and gray, bright and hopeful. He genuinely looked like he wanted to be helpful.
It was a strange look. Something about it reminded me of how Misa looked at me sometimes.
"Fine, do what you want," I said finally. I looked away, trying to act like I didn't care one way or the other what he did to my feet.
"Alright."
Slowly, carefully, L put the pure white towel to the sole of my foot. It was soft and fluffy. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all...
Unexpectedly, I felt my ankle twist in a forceful movement.
"Hey!" I protested.
"You'll get used to it," was his response.
"Hmph." If you ruin this foot rub, L, I really am gonna kill you.
Surprisingly though, that was the only time his massage hurt me. I supposed he had just been trying to get my foot into a better position. He stroked the bottom of my foot with the towel, starting from the heel and going ever so slowly across the instep and to my toes.
He wasn't rough and quick about it either, like I might have expected. His touch was gentle, but firm. He really wanted to take his time with this. In spite of myself, I didn't mind that.
I looked down at L, his dark head bent downward, black hair hanging like a curtain in front of his face, focused intently on his work. I noticed how wrinkly his shirt was, how it was still slightly damp. I noticed how the back of the shirt clung to his thin frame. How the hell did he stay so thin when he ate so many sweets all the time?
I suddenly felt something cold and wet drip onto the foot L was massaging. I looked and saw tiny beads of water falling down from the tips of L's long, dripping hair. He hadn't done a very thorough job of drying himself.
I picked up the towel I'd set aside earlier and reached out to dry his hair with it. "Here, you're still soaked."
The edge of the towel brushed L's cheek, and he glanced up at me for a moment.
His eyes... They looked like they were shining. Like pretty stars.
He looked down at my feet then, realizing that he'd accidentally been dripping on me. "I'm sorry." He wiped the water away from my foot, rubbing the top part of it now.
"Don't worry about it," I said.
This should make us equal, shouldn't it? I wipe his hair while he wipes my feet. I'm just returning the favor, I thought to myself.
Silently we worked on each other with our towels in the quiet, empty hall at the top of a staircase. I was once again grateful that the other cops were nowhere to be found at the moment, so no one could see us like this.
Eventually L dropped his towel and started massaging me with his hands. Thin, pale fingers danced and pressed into my skin.
He kneaded one of his thumbs into the muscle of my instep, and I groaned involuntarily. I stopped drying his hair.
He looked up, raised an eyebrow at me, and dug into the same muscle.
I leaned back and set my hands on the floor, arms supporting the rest of my body. He started moving his thumb in little circles and I made a sharp intake of breath, trying my best not to tremble. He was hitting such an excellent spot.
"Oh...Ryuzaki..."
Even with hair draped over most of his face, I saw his mouth turn up into a satisfied smirk. "Told you I was good at this."
I squeezed my eyes tight, suppressing a second moan of pleasure. He seemed to be enjoying this way too much. As a matter of the fact, I was enjoying myself way too much.
Just when I thought it was going to be the end and I felt L place my right foot slowly down onto the stair, he grabbed my left ankle and started in on my other foot, doing the same thing! This time I didn't bother trying to hide my pleasure, making soft sighs and throwing my head slightly back. He nearly gave me goosebumps.
No one had ever touched me like this before. Gently. Softly. Carressing. Squeezing. I lost myself to the sensation of it.
To be honest... I wished it would last forever.
"It'll be lonely, won't it?"
"Hmm?"
"You and I will be parting ways soon."
"Huh?" I came out of the haze I'd been in during the rest of the massage. I probably wasn't thinking entirely straight.
L had suddenly stopping his rubbing, and was staring at me with dark and deathly serious eyes again.
Lonely? Parting ways? What could L possibly mean?
The ring of a cellphone punctured the silence, startling me. It was L's. He stood up and answered it, holding it with 2 fingers and slightly away from his ear while I remained sitting. I hadn't realized it before, but I'd always found the curious way he held things to be somewhat interesting.
"Yes?" Silence as the other person on the line spoke to L. "I understand. I'm on my way."
"Huh?" I asked as L put his phone back in his pocket.
What was going on?
"Come on. Let's go, Light. It seems like it's all worked out."
Just like that, the moment between us was over, and it seemed to be back to business as usual. L walked away, heading down the hall to take the elevator rather than the stairs.
I stood up, not moving too quickly. My head was still stuck in a strange, dizzy kind of haze. As I slowly followed behind him, I tried to identify what exactly I was feeling. It was difficult, because I didn't believe I'd felt anything quite like this in my life.
I had let my guard completely down with him. The walls I'd built inside myself were crumbling in my mind. I'd done my best to push him away from me, to deny him entry into my thoughts. But after something like this... I couldn't just forget about it.
Just as I reached L, the elevator dinged and the sleek silver doors parted. He stepped into the box, leaning with his back against the wall, and I came in after him, standing at his side.
"Ground floor, please," he commanded; the elevators were all voice-activated. The doors slid themselves closed and I felt the rising feeling in my stomach as we sank quickly down.
"R-Ryuzaki?" I hesitated. I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him.
"Yes, Light?" he asked in a detached voice. He didn't even look at me.
I frowned, steeling myself. I walked right in front of L... Ryuzaki... and put my hands on the wall, one on each side of his head. I towered over his slouched, slight figure.
"Ryuzaki," I said in a more firm, more confidant tone, commanding his attention.
Slowly he turned his head up at me now, and his curtain of black hair fell away from his face. He looked surprised, with the gray eyes of a deer in the headlights. "Yes?"
I gazed deeply into his eyes, trying to figure him out. Trying to figure myself out.
Finally I closed my eyes, giving up with a sigh. I leaned my head forward so that we ended up gently touching our foreheads to each other. "Thank you."
I could hear the rattle of the elevator as it slowed down and began to approach our floor.
"Don't mention it."
